On Sunday, Jack and I attended the first class of a four-week series on Biblical Parenting, put on by a married couple, Steve and Joan, at our church. It was fantastic. On multiple occasions I found myself tearing up ... not quite sure why, but I guess just that I care so much to be a good mom, not in this world's eyes, but in God's, and I see that I am failing in many ways. But I'm also so excited to start getting more things right.
The information they gave us was so great that I wanted to share it all, but more than that, I wanted to retell it so that it might sink in even deeper into my heart and mind.
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Starting off, we need to remember what God says about His Word: "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness..." (2 Timothy 3:16). With this understanding, we know that everything within the Bible is not only spoken by God Himself, but it's beneficial to use as a manual for raising our children (teaching them, rebuking them, correcting them, training them). We need to run to His Word for help raising our children. In Hebrews 4:12 God reinforces the importance of His Word: "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." God's Word is alive, it's real, it's active to us today as parents.
Here's a question for you: What would you want your kids to leave home with when they turn 18 and go off to college?
a} A Division I athletic scholarship
b} A high IQ
c} To be popular
d} Strong character and faith
I think everyone would answer {d}, to be a person with strong character and strong faith in Jesus Christ. Now, let's rephrase the question: Where does most of your time, energy and money go to in raising your children?
a} Sports
b} Education
c} Social activities
d} Teaching and building your child's faith
It's rather convicting when you think about it and are honest with yourself. Where are my real priorities in parenthood? No matter where I want them to be, I need to be realistic with where they actually are. But no matter how old my children are, there's always time to make changes and readjust my priorities to where they should be. God shares His will to parents in Deuteronomy 6:5-7:
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."
The biblical purpose for parenting is to impress the hearts of our children with a love for God and to help them get safely home to their Father in heaven. You see, the love of the Lord needs to be in my heart for my kids to see it. What do my kids see me doing? Do they see me watching TV? Or do they see me reading my Bible? Do they catch me on my knees praying? God's Word needs to be affecting my life in order for my children to see it.
It's so easy to delegate parts of parenting off on other people. There's a coach to teach my kids soccer, and a tutor to help them with their math. While it is helpful to delegate some things for other people to teach my children, I need to own the piece that will impress the heart of my child. Delegation is like giving your child supplements and vitamins. While helpful in small doses, you cannot live on supplements alone. It is at home where I need to feed my children their meals. They need meat. They need vegetables. They need their parents to give them that.
In the verse above, God commands the parents to teach their children God's word. But how? As recorded in Joshua 4:1-6, the Isrealites had finally crossed over the Jordan River into the land God promised to them. When they made it to the other side, God had them erect stones on the land so that they would remember where they were before (slaves in Egypt), and how God had preserved them and brought them into safety. Specifically, God says this "that this might be a sign among you. When your children ask in time to come, 'What do those stones mean to you?'". God wanted them to leave a physical reminder so that the generations to come will know of Him. Practically, this could mean sitting down having family devotions. Taking time to remember God as a family. A great tool is using the FLA {Facts, Lessons, Application} Format. You could simply read a few verses and ask {taking Joshua 4:1-6 as an example}:
- What are the facts? {They cross the Jordan River. They brought the Ark of the Lord with them. They had to find 12 rocks.}
- What is the lesson? {God wants us to remember Him. God protects us. God doesn't forget us.}
- How can we apply this to our lives? {Acknowledge what God has done for me and thank him for it. Teach other people in my life about God.}
For those with younger children, a great idea would be to take a walk and find some rocks at a park, pick them up and say, "These rocks will remind us to pray. Whenever we see these rocks, let's pray and thank God for this day together and for giving us beautiful trees and birds." Then take those rocks home, set them in your child's bedroom and occasionally bring them to your child's memory to pray.
Another great tool for family worship and devotional time is an activity. Here's an idea:
Give each child a tube of travel toothpaste and have them race to see who empties the tube the fastest onto a paper plate. Watch them go for it and determine a winner. Then tell them that whoever can get all of the toothpaste back into the tube will win $10 {or whatever incentive will work for them}. Have the fun of watching them try, but we all know that once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it can't go back in, no matter how hard you try. The point to this activity is this: Just like toothpaste is so easy to get out but impossible to get back in, so are our words. They are easily said, but can never be taken back. This can be applied to text messages, Facebook and Twitter posts, etc. What a great tangible visualization of the effects of sharing our thoughts outwardly (Other great ideas can be found at visionaryfam.com and famtime.com).
Going back to the verse in Deuteronomy, God specifically commands parents to teach their children at four different times:
1} When you get up: First thing in the morning, it is so important to seek the Lord. Submitting your day to the Lord, getting your mind on Him from the start. Practically this could mean reading the Word together at the breakfast table.
2} When you lie down: Just before bed, giving everything up to the Lord - all the cares and worries from the day. Most people, children especially, have their walls down at night. They are most apt to share at this time. So take advantage and talk with them, pray with them.
3} When you sit: What dominates me at home when I sit? TV? iPad? Unfortunately it's usually entertainment. But God says that this is an important time to share His Word with my children. It could be as simple as asking wondering questions of God, "I wonder how God could have been so creative in making every living creature. Look at that bug! How did God even come up with that?!"
4} When you walk: We don't walk as much in our culture, but this could mean while driving in a car. Instead of listening to music or sitting in silence, use the time to share God's heart with your children. Or while walking around the mall with your son, direct his attention to certain girls around the mall, asking him, "Do you think she's a Proverbs 31 woman?" {Proverbs 31 is a chapter speaking solely of the traits of a Godly woman.} "I don't think so, Mom, not by what she's wearing would I think she's a Proverbs 31 woman." "What about her?" "No, not by the way she's letting her boyfriend touch her."
Even if your children are grown, there is still time to be a Godly parent. In Joel 2:25 God promises, "I will restore to you the years the swarming locust has eaten." He will give you back the years you wasted with your children, the years you didn't teach your children His Word. So don't give up, but be encouraged to start now.
