meeting baby o2 for the first time!

Yesterday we had our first appointment with the midwives, our first ultrasound and first time hearing Baby O2's heartbeat!  I was looking forward to this day for weeks!  And my mom surprised me by driving all the way to our house the night before so she could join us!  A doubly-wonderful day.


The baby is perfectly the right size for my 8-weeks of pregnancy (about the size of a kidney bean).  They gave us the due date of September 21.  That's only four days before Seth's due date ... which means we're going to have kids almost exactly two years apart! 


I love this first ultrasound because you can actually see the heart beating.  It looks like a fluttering butterfly.  So miraculous!  We were even able to hear the heartbeat ... it was so strong!  Ahhhh.  It was just surreal sitting there, listening to the heartbeat of this child, with my other child sitting next to me.  Are we really doing this again?!  Are we seriously going to have two children?  Wow.


I've been feeling pretty queasy, extremely fatigued and I constantly gag when I brush my teeth (why?!?!).  But ... only a few more weeks and I should be feeling much better!  Praise God, the giver of LIFE.

why becoming a mom has made me a better person: part one

Just a few weeks ago my husband and I found out we are expecting our second child!  We couldn't be more thrilled.  


This news has caused me to think back to my first pregnancy all the way through the early days and weeks of my first-born's life and what we have to look forward to (or brace ourselves for) again.  And you know what I realized in all of this reflection?  Becoming a mom has seriously changed me for the better.  I decided that, for the next couple of days, I want to share a few of the ways motherhood has purified, shaped, molded and changed me.

.. .. .. 

Part One: Patience

Before I became a mom, I would never have thought of myself as an impatient person, but why would I?  I could eat when I wanted to eat, shower when I wanted to shower, wake up when I wanted to wake up, work where I wanted to work, socialize when and with whom I wanted ... but that all changes when you become responsible for another life.  The first few months of Seth's life it was honestly easy to abide by the restrictions he placed on my life.  He was so cute and tiny!  I wanted to care for him, no matter what that meant for my life.  Honestly, it was the novelty of a newborn, especially a first-born newborn.  But as the weeks turned into months, that novelty started to wane as my son refused to take naps and was still not sleeping through the night.  When he was around 4 months old I found myself having my first and only post-pardam depression-type thoughts of wanting to kill this precious child because his screaming and refusing to sleep had worn my patience to null.  I needed a break!  And it was obvious that my child was so exhausted, but couldn't fall asleep.  Those thoughts scared me so badly.  When Jack came home from work that night, I came to meet him at the door with tears streaming down my face and a screaming baby in my arms.  I told him my thoughts and how I just couldn't handle it anymore.  Then my husband started crying.  I knew at that point I couldn't do it on my own.  No, I didn't need my mom to come save the day.  I needed Jesus.  And only the patience He can give.  I realized that up to this point, I had failed to ask my Savior for His help in this role called motherhood.  How could I have been so foolish?  I emersed myself in simple prayer asking God to give me the strength and patience - His strength and patience - to raise His child.  And you know what?  That night as Seth woke up screaming in the middle of the night (like he usually did at that time), Jack jumped out of bed so fast to go calm Seth so I didn't have to, but after a minute or two of lying in bed, listening to my child cry and my husband trying his best to console him, I realized: I'm not angry!  I'm not frustrated!  I am filled with patience and compassion for this little child!  And I was so excited at this noticeable change in my heart that I, too, hopped out of bed and went to Seth's room to help.  Jack looked at me, I think almost afraid that I'd be frustrated like usual, but I told him, "I'm not upset!  God has given me more patience!"  From that time on, I can see God's patience still streaming through my heart and mind.  It hasn't left me.  Yes, there are times when Seth is so whiny or throwing a tantrum about something and I feel that nerve rise when I want to just scream ... but the response that comes out of my mouth is often so much calmer, so much more understanding, so much more patient. That is the result of having the patience of Jesus Christ abiding in my heart and life.  And I've noticed the patience flowing into different areas of my life: with my husband, with friends, with strangers who drive horribly, etc.  

Obtaining Christ's patience is often an uncomfortable path, but the reward is worth the trip down that path.  I praise God for that time with a sleepless, screaming child that brought me to a more patient, understanding life.  

Children are a blessing from the Lord.