bible college

Gosh sometimes I miss Bible College so much.  Right now is one of those times.  Of course I had a ton of fun with amazing friends and roommates ... a time when you're footloose and fancy free ... but also, and more importantly, a time when every ounce of you is living, breathing, hearing, speaking, and soaking in the Word of God and all that He is.  My schedule at Bible College was very rigorous - morning devotions each morning, Bible classes throughout the day, an evening full of homework and somewhere fit in there doing my on-campus servanthood practicum.  It was an itsy-bitsy tainted taste of the fellowship in heaven I imagine.  I was so surrounded by and filled with the things of His Kingdom that I would even dream about the Bible! 


And it was more than just homework and studying ... I remember being so filled with excitement to meet with the Lord to spend quiet time with Him that I would literally run across campus to my favorite spot (the prayer chapel by the lake) to do so.  Just like a little girl running so enthusiastically to be wrapped up in her father's arms.  Oh, how I miss those times.


And more than any of the studying and learning and fellowship that I had done there, I miss the attitude of my heart.  I was so humbled (well, at least compared to any time before then and any time since then).  I simply desired the will of the Father upon my life no matter what that meant.  If it meant selling all I had, I'd do it.  If it meant leaving my family whom I so desperately love, I'd do it.  If it meant making me look like a fool in front of strangers or non-Christians, I'd do it without hesitation.  I was constantly asking the Lord to search my heart to find any wicked way in me and purge me of it.  I'd ask the Lord for opportunities to serve Him and show my love for Him.  


I think I miss Bible College so much right now because I don't see these things in my life anymore.  Instead I dream about "The Bachelor" and am overcome with fear for what a truly broken heart before the Lord would mean in my life today and how it would impact my family.  I've grown so comfortable with my stuff.  The stuff that will be eaten by the termites in our walls one day.  The stuff that will break and fall apart.  The stuff that I am idolizing.  And yet I am holding onto it for dear life and am placing my trust and my comfort in it.  


Oh, Lord, break me of this.


And yet I need to keep in mind that though Bible College was wonderful, there is still so much more that the Lord has for me.  He has greater things to show and reveal to me than I ever learned at Bible College.  There is more in His Word than 2 years of intense study could have ever shown me.  There is so much more to Him who created me.  Him who wants my undivided heart.  Him who doesn't seek to make me miserable, but bring me great joy and fulfillment.  Him who is True.